KC Home Dad

New Children's Museum meeting

2007-03-19T22:55:00.000-05:00

On Fri. March 23 KCDADs has been invited to speak our minds (this could be dangerous) about the new Children's Museum being planned by Wonderscope and Beyond The Book. This is an excellent opportunity for us to be a part of the planning stages and help make this a wonderful and educational experience for our children.

I also believe it provides KCDADs an opportunity to grow in the community. And I don't just mean by adding new members. First of all, our involvement could help temper some of the negative stereotypes that are out there about at home dads (ie the Mr. Mom stereotype). Secondly this could be an opportunity for our group to do something that is for a higher purpose. Sure, our group is great at helping one another in this journey of at-home parenting, but is this all that we can do? I believe that we have such a strong, close-nit group that it is time we start working together to help others.

When I first read the story about the new children's museum that is being proposed, I immediately felt this might be the kind of community activity that fits with our values. We'll see on Friday, but I hope KCDADs can be a big part of what they are trying to do.

Look for my report on our meeting next week...

New Children's Museum coming to Kansas City

2007-02-27T13:32:00.000-06:00

On Saturday, Feb. 24, the Kansas City Star reported on an exciting new Children's Museum that will be built by 2009 probably in Johnson County, KS. This museum will combine Wonderscope (www.wonderscope.org) in Shawnee with Beyond The Book (www.beyondthebook.org) to create an exciting learning experience for children under 10.

As most of you know, Kansas City has several "Children's Museums" (in KCK at the Indian Creek Mall, Science City in Union Station and Paradise Park in Lee's Summit) but none of them are even close to the quality of activities and value as the Omaha Children's Museum or the Magic House in St. Louis. My hope is that, FINALLY, Kansas City will have a great, fun place to take our children.

The public will be invited in March 2007 to offer suggestions on what this new museum should offer, and I think our group should make an effort to attend these sessions. I also think we should consider helping them raise money for the $15 million, 36,500 sq. ft. facility. Keep checking the websites listed above as well as this blog for dates and times of these sessions.

A son is born and his name is...?

2007-02-19T22:40:00.000-06:00

Last week my wife blessed me with a son. We didn't know what we were having (yes, we are stuck in 1995) and of course we had no boy names that we liked. Somehow we thought by looking at him we would be able to figure it out - that was no help.

So for nearly 4 hours we combed through one of those naming books that we had both already read through hoping that a name would suddenly stick that hadn't previously. Yeah, that didn't work either.

Finally we narrowed it down to our individual top 3.

No matches.

Then I pulled out my last card - the compromise card. We always agreed on the middle name but disagreed on it's spelling. I said "If we spell his middle name my way, you can give him whatever name you want."

She immediately started to call her mom to tell her our news. Then I said, "Well, maybe not..."

And she said, as nicely as a woman who just had a baby, "Decide already. Whatever you want is fine - just pick something!"

So we went with her choice.

I'm sure you are dying to know the name (so am I - just kidding!) but for security reasons we only use nicknames of our children here.

His nickname came much easier - Buddy. In fact I started calling him Buddy as soon as he was born since I didn't have a real name to call him.

Makes you wonder why we just didn't name him that in the first place.

Achieving Goals

2007-02-09T16:38:00.000-06:00

I recently was cleaning my home office and found some old lists of goals I had made right before I became a father. This is something I often do and then forget where the list went. I thought it would be interesting to see how well I have succeeded with my goals, even though I didn't remember what they were until I found them the other day.

FATHERHOOD GOALS
1. Be consistent - I feel like I've done a pretty good job at that, sometimes
2. Have one-on-one time with each child - So far, this has been hard to do
3. Strict discipline; develop a system of consequences - I have done this well
4. Always make them clean up their own toys - It's like watching paint dry, but they get it done
5. Make children do chores - The girls clear the table and clean up their rooms
6. No allowances! - This will never work
7. Strictly monitor TV & movies; no cable - This has also been accomplished since I'm too cheap to get cable
8. Read to them often - I could do better at this; bedtime is the only time I read to them now
9. Teach them to respect all people - Always a work-in-progress
10. Limit toys; a wooden spoon and a cardboard box can be just as much fun - Compared to most of their friends...mission accomplished!
11. Take them places - We usually go somewhere everyday, but I think I could do a better job of finding more fun places to go for them (Home Depot is not fun for them, but why?)
12. Go out with my wife at least once a month - Lucky to go out once a year; this needs some work
13. Take care of child by myself - Uh, yeah, got this one handled
14. Always teach them - I need to do more
15. Make sure they have enough to do - Some days are better than others

Overall I'd say I'm doing quite well. I'd give myself a B. How about this list of goals I made before I knew I would be an At Home Dad?

THINGS A HOUSE PARENT CAN DO
1. Raise own children - Doing that
2. Provide children with more stable home environment - Yep
3. More vacation because working parent doesn't have to take off for Dr. appointments, house repairs, etc. - I feel this works
4. More time for exercise - I'm trying, but there's not as much time available as I had imagined
5. Visit Grandparents once per month - What was I thinking?
6. Community involvement - With KCDADs definitely, but nothing outside of that and that should change
7. Politics - Helping a candidate is a type of community involvement I could do
8. Start a business - What was I smokin'
9. Play all day - Occasionally we do, but mostly we can't; without clean clothes and food we'd be kinda miserable
10. Keep house clean - Yeah, right!

My goals for being a "House Parent" were a little far-fetched perhaps, but overall I don't think I've missed the mark too far. Let's say B-.

Wonder what my next set of goals are. Guess I'll find out in 5 years.

Welcoming New Dads Well

2007-01-31T20:42:00.000-06:00

Monday's playgroup was one of the best ever for KCDADs. It was not just the record number of attendees (11 dads, 19 kids) but the way the new guys were welcomed. Everybody introduced themselves to the new guys (Chris and Jason) and almost everyone was able to have a conversation with each of them.

When you’ve had a group for as long as we have (5 years), you have a lot of guys who know each other so well it can be hard for new guys to crack the clique.

Remember high school - you couldn't just sit down at whatever table you wanted to in the lunch room. You had to sit with "your" people. You wanted to sit with "your" people. They got you. They were like you. They knew all the inside jokes. When someone new sat down at "your" table, no one talked to him; what did he know about "your" people?

Every once in awhile a new guy would be admitted into your clique, but it always took him a long time to catch up, to learn all the inside jokes, to be like you.

So, it takes truly special people to go out of their way to make new guys feel welcome. That is what we all did on Monday – and that's what makes KCDADs a very special group of guys. Within just a couple of hours these new guys caught up, learned a few of the inside jokes and were instantly just like the rest of us.

I knew I'd finally get to sit at the "cool" table.

Zing!

2007-01-22T00:11:00.000-06:00

"I said 'NO' I don't want to unload the dishwasher right now," I complained to my wife.

"There's lots of things I say 'NO' to too," she replied.

I unloaded the dishwasher...OUCH!

Nuts

2007-01-16T17:22:00.000-06:00

Well, it finally happened.

My daughter punched me in the baby-maker.

Now, in all fairness to her, I kind of asked for it. One of our favorite things to do is wrestle. I grab her, tickle her and otherwise rough her up. She kicks and slaps and giggles to get away. I always keep a look out for those flailing arms and legs to protect myself, which I have done very well at so far, thank you very much.

But, since I allow her to hit me while we're playing and I always overact my pain, she thinks this is funny.

I'm not laughing anymore.

Yesterday, she closed her fist and struck with all her might at the point on my body that was just the right height of her fist. I was not paying attention this time and I paid dearly for it. I immediately hit the floor, grabbed my crouch and started gasping for air. For some reason a croutch shot also knocks all the air out of your lungs. Scientists should study this.

My Princess (that's our 4 year old daughter) just stared at me smiling thinking I was just doing my usual overacting. Finally she asks, "Are you okay daddy?" "NO!" I barked back, "you don't hit daddy there, okay." "Okay," she replied meekly.

The pain slowly subsided and I sat up wiping the sweat off my brow (again, more scientific study needed). "Sorry daddy," Princess said now clearly realizing she hurt me. "Just don't do that again, alright," I said.

"Alright... can we play tackle now!"

Sleeping Beauty

2007-01-09T21:53:00.000-06:00

The other night our Princess (that's what we call our 4 year old) came into our room shortly after we put her to bed.

"What is it honey?" my wife asked as she helped Princess into our bed.

"It's not fair," she said with bottom lip protruding, "you get to have someone sleep with you in your bed and I don't."

"But you get to sleep in your special Princess room EVERY night," my wife replied.

"It's so lonely in there," Princess sobbed.

Now my bottom lip is quivering. I scoop her up and carry her back to her room snuggling her into her bed between the 12 stuffed animals, 4 Barbie dolls and 3 pieces of junk mail. I give her a hug and tell her I love her and remind her that angels are always with her so she will never be alone.

Pre-Prior Planning Prevents Piss-Poor Performance

2007-01-03T15:02:00.000-06:00

Dads have lots of interesting sayings that can really grab your attention (why don't Moms have them?). My dad is no different. One of his famous sayings is the "7-P's of success - Pre-Prior Planning Prevents Piss-Poor Performance." He may have heard that somewhere else, but my guess is, that like all his other sayings, he made it up on his own.

"Pre-Prior Planning Prevents Piss-Poor Performance." Very catchy, and very true, I think. In fact, this is going to be my motto for 2007 - my New Year's Resolution if you will.

You see, after being an at-home dad for 4 years now, I have finally realized that kids are slow. You would think after watching children run all over a store, escape from their parents and their general high energy level, that kids are fast. BUT YOU WOULD BE WRONG!

It takes us 10 minutes (10 minutes!!!) to get shoes on, coats on, and car seat buckles on. Add on the time to eat breakfast, fix hair, get dressed and a couple of melt-downs and we're lucky to be out of the house by 10am. We're never on time to school at 8:45 or on time to about any other activity. Ah, but NOW it's time for "Pre-Prior Planning Prevents Piss-Poor Performance."

Why?

If you don't have a plan, you are likely to fail (see above!)

So, we're gonna have a plan in '07. The first step is for me to decide the night before what the plan is for the next day. Then we will decide the clothes we are going to wear the next day before bedtime. I will get up, eat breakfast and read the paper BEFORE the kids are up so I can concentrate on helping them get ready. Finally, I have to remember that everything is going to take A LOT LONGER than I think because somebody might have to go potty for the third time in an hour or somebody's special toy may be missing, etc.

"Pre-Prior Planning Prevents Piss-Poor Performance." I'm going to see if Dad is right.

"Don't tell Santa about the Turkey Vent"

2006-12-17T23:38:00.000-06:00

"Don't tell Santa about the Turkey Vent," my 4-year old "Princess" whispered to my 2-year old "Stitch." "Good idea," I added with a very stern eyebrow-raise.

Do you know how closely your kids watch and imitate everything you do? It kind of sneaks up on you. Remember when you didn't have to spell out words to your wife when you were having a conversation. "Should we go o-u-t and have p-o-p-s-c-i-c-l-e-s?" Now you have to watch what you say and do. "Honey, do you want to have sex tonight?" "What's 'sex' daddy?" Oops.

Now, back to the Turkey Vent.

You see, my dad and I took a week-long vacation to visit the Eastern battlefields of the Civil War (Gettysburg and Antietem are must-sees by the way). On our trip my dad taught me about the Turkey Vent. Basically, it's his version of flipping someone off. And the beauty of it is - the person doesn't know he's being flipped off!

To do it (and DON'T DO IT IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS - SEE BELOW!) just cup your hand with your thumb lightly touching the pad of your index finger and gently tap it back and forth.

Frankly it looks a little gay.

Of course when you add the angry expression on your face, the driver in the car who just cut you off gets the idea that you are none to pleased with his driving. But he is also a bit confused by it too which is good because you never know who in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains has a gun!

Needless to say, I was quite amused by this Turkey Vent. I began telling several of my friends about it. They didn't think it was nearly as funny as I thought it was. But my daughters did. My Princess was watching me demonstrate the Turkey Vent one day and then started doing it herself.

At first I was amused. Then my wife saw her do it.

I was not amused anymore.

Then my Princess added one more level. She says, "Uh-oh." I say, "What is it, honey?" And she says, "Turkey Vent! Turkey Vent!" and starts doing the Turkey Vent. Then Stitch starts doing it and they begin running around the house singing, "Turkey Vent! Turkey Vent!"

I'm in trouble because the more irritated I get the more they do it - duh!

Now I have managed to convince them through threat of life and limb, and no presents from Santa Clause, that they can only do the Turkey Vent around us and Grandpa.

At least they're not running around the neighborhood flipping the bird and singing "F--- You! F--- You!"

When can my child start coming to playgroup?

2006-12-17T23:17:00.000-06:00

This has been the pervailing question circulating in the KCDADs group (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/kcdad/) this week.

Kevin wrote in his email, "don't think just because your daughter is only 8 months that she will not benefit." Kevin's daughter started coming to playgroup when she was 10 weeks old. "She loved to watch what was going on. Play group is as much for you and your sanity as it is for the kids to play with other kids."

Doug wrote, "I have seen improvements in the social skills of all our regular playgroup kids over time -- and at a remarkable rate compared to kids we associate with outside of KCDADS."

Steve added that if your child's naptime happens to be in the middle of playgroup, change it. "My solution (with my child) was to change naptime, playgroup was worth it." Also, at playgroup "you've got 5 - 10 guys every week to talk with ... that have lived through almost anything that you might be going through."

All great advice to help those at home dads who aren't sure when and how to make playgroup work for them and their child. For all of us who attend regularly, playgroup has created long-lasting friendships for us and our kids. Come soon and come often - it will really improve your family!

If you are not a member of KCDADs and live in the Kansas City metro area (or surrounding states), please visit http://groups.yahoo.com/group/kcdad/ or email kcdad-owner@yahoogroups.com.

"Stitch"

2006-12-11T10:23:00.000-06:00

"If the FBI ever fingerprints her, she'll be guilty of something," my dad said.

You see, my 2-year old has an unbelievable amount of curiosity, and that's putting it nicely. Really, she has to touch E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!!! As I am telling her to stop touching this thing, she is already touching that thing. She's obsessed!

My oldest daughter says, "She destroys everything she touches." Hence my 2-year old's nickname: Stitch.

Friday night we're visiting my parents. My mom has a beautiful home that is for adults. It is a perfect place for Stitch. Mom has all kinds of cute trinkets on coffee tables, end tables, desks...everywhere. And the best (or worst) part is that they are just at Stitch's level. And she obliges by touching E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!!!

"Get out of there!" I holler. "Quit that!" I yell. "Will you stop touching that!" I implore. Too late, she's already touched something else.

Then it happened - she got hurt.

She grabbed a snow globe off an end table that was too heavy for her to lift so it fell and landed right on her big toe, breaking into a hundred pieces. She screamed. At first I thought the glass had cut her, but she wasn't bleeding. She kept screaming. Something must hurt really bad because Stitch is tough and rarely cries more than a minute when she gets hurt.

Then I noticed her big toe. It was black. And it was getting swollen. I grabbed a bag of peas out of the freezer and put it on her toe. She stopped crying in a couple of minutes. Maybe she has learned a lesson here, I thought.

"I should probably take her to the doctor tomorrow morning," I said.

"But she only cried for about 5 minutes. It must not hurt that bad," my dad said.

"Yeah, but she has NEVER cried that long."

So the next morning we went to the doctor and he said her toe wasn't broken. "I can poke a hole in her toe to relieve the swelling, but she won't like it. Besides, with some ibuprofen, it probably won't bother her for long."

I decided not to do the toe poke and, sure enough, the doctor was right, Stitch was back to touching E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G as soon as we got back to my parent's house.

Lesson NOT learned.

Annual Holiday Party - great turnout

2006-12-03T20:27:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was the KCDADs annual holiday party hosted by myself and my wife. We had an incredible turnout - 16 families attended with a total of 27 kids. It's a good thing we are so cheap and haven't filled our house with much furniture; we wouldn't have had enough room!

It is just so great to be around such a tight knit group of guys. And, it was a true treat to be able to bring along our better halves and share with them the great bond we guys share at playgroups and Dad's Night Out. Plus, the kids got along so well, we hardly remembered they were there - until they came like a pack of wolves chasing each other through the kitchen.

Everyone commented on how much fun they had socializing and sharing stories. Of course the food, prepared by my wife, was a huge hit. My wife is a whiz at preparing meals for large groups since she comes from a family of 10.

Every year our group continues to grow larger and closer. What a great time to be an at home dad...

Annual Holiday Party

2006-11-29T01:11:00.000-06:00

The KCDADs annual holiday party is at our house this year. I went all out with decorations and they were (mostly) up by Thanksgiving!

Usually they aren't up until the weekend before Christmas.

For the first time ever we have lights around the outside of the house. Hope I can get 'em back down before summer.

2nd Child 1st

2006-11-26T22:53:00.000-06:00

I've been reading a book called "How to Succeed and Make Money with Your First Rental House" by Doug Keipper and Sean Lyden (www.firstrentalhouse.com) and they had an amusing quote relating having children to buying your first rental house:

"I was petrified when we brought our first daughter home from the hospital. And the second daughter, well she was a walk in the park - I highly recommend having the second child first - you are much calmer!!!"

It's just about like what my dad told me once, "If I had known how great grandchildren could be, I'd had them first!"

"Do Men Mother?"

2006-11-26T21:29:00.000-06:00

Andrea Doucet, an Associate Professor of Sociology at Carleton University in Ottawa, Canada, has just written a new book called "Do Men Mother?" (http://http-server.carleton.ca/~adoucet/) about how the roles of fathers are changing in areas of child care and domestic duties.

The publisher, University of Toronto Press, writes, "Using evidence gathered in a 4-year in-depth qualitative study...Doucet's research examines such key questions as: What leads fathers from earning to caring? How do fathers navigate through the 'maternal worlds' of mothers and infants? Are men mothering or redefining fatherhood?"

I'm excited to read her book because it examines how dads are capable of being primary-care providers and how that is similiar, and different, from mothers. Doucet writes, "In asking the ‘Do men mother?’ question, I indicate where gender similarities are in evidence,
where gender differences ignite ... and where gender is muted and fathers become parents in seemingly ungendered ways."

You can read the first chapter of her book for FREE by going to the website listed above.

The Zombie

2006-11-22T12:35:00.000-06:00

I walked into my bedroom the other day and saw my 4 year old daughter sitting cross-legged on the floor staring at Dragon Tales on the television. She didn't turn her head to acknowledge me as I sat down behind her to watch with her. Then I got a little freaked out - she had a tear trailing down her face and she was not blinking! I waved my hand in front of her face.

Nothing.

I called her name.

Not even one blink.

I snapped my fingers as my heart started to pound a little harder.

Now her mouth had dropped open and droll was escaping her lips.

"Oh no!" I thought. The Dragon Tales have got her! She is being hypnotized and will be taken over by aliens at any time. Call the FBI, NSA, Bugs Bunny! HELP!

"Huh?" my daughter muttered.

"Hurray!" I thought, "she has defeated those evil aliens and their mind-control device."

And then I noticed that the show was over.

Lots of new interest in KCDADs

2006-11-20T20:06:00.000-06:00

Last weekend's At Home Dad Convention (www.athomedadconvention.com) has generated a lot of new interest in KCDADs! Since the convention we have had 8 new inquires from at home dads in the KC metro area and we have added one new member. It is very exciting to know that there are so many at home dads out there and it is great that the publicity from the convention has helped them find us.

As a side note, I will be posting a personal story related to my at home dad experiences once a week (usually Sunday...of course I'm already a couple days behind!) as well as regular news and notes as necessary from KCDADs.

KCDADs in the news

2006-11-15T16:05:00.000-06:00

Here are the articles from the Convention that appeared in the KC Star. Andy, what a stud to be quoted so eloquently!

http://www.kansascity.com/mld/kansascity/living/15971579.htm

http://www.kansascity.com/mld/kansascity/news/15991193.htm

Convention news and notes - FINAL THOUGHTS

2006-11-15T13:57:00.000-06:00

Here are my final thoughts regarding the 11th Annual At Home Dad Convention. Have your voice heard too at the Forums section of www.athomedadconvention.com:

SOCIAL ACTIVITIES. They were unique to Kansas City which made the trip very exciting to all the visiting Dads. Next year should be even better, especially the BBQ!

LOCATION. Absolutely perfect. Lots to see and do on the Plaza. More to do at Westport which was only a few blocks away. UMKC was only a 5 minute drive from the hotel and the auditorium at UMKC was the perfect set up.

THE MEDIA. When 10% of the participants are media, you know you are doing something unique and interesting that will land you more great sponsors. This will make the convention grow considerably and be even better.

CHARITY. Donating $200 to UMKC Women's Center. That has to be one the classiest things a group of men has ever done. I hope we can do more next year.

CONVENTION PLANNING COMMITTEE. Just having a convention at all was amazing since it was moving from Chicago for the first time in 10 years. The fact that it was the best one ever was outstanding!

BREAK OUT SESSIONS. Some were good (Digital Photography), some were not so good (Kids, Nutrition & Behavior), some were great (Open Forum about our kids), some were not well informed about their audience (Child Safety) and some were better than expected (Depression & Isolation). Overall the breakout sessions were informative and entertaining; worth the money for sure.

501 3C STATUS. It has been needed for awhile and now it appears we are officially a national non-profit organization. Unfortunately, we didn't appear to be acting like one. The ink apparently was still wet on all the legal documents setting up our non-profit status so I am hopeful the details will filter out in the coming months.

SPONSORS. We had incredible sponsors this year, most notably UMKC as host and SOR for the Boulevard Brewery Meet & Greet, but with the aforementioned 501 3C status, even more sponsors will be coming. And with more sponsors comes better educational opportunities and more fun. I think we've earned that!

NEXT YEAR'S LOCATION - KANSAS CITY. Most Dads wanted to move the convention around in following years which I agree with, but having it in KC next year makes the most sense for now. I wouldn't mind it being in KC EVERY YEAR. Sure, I'm biased, but if you were here, you would have to admit a lot of things made KC the best option - from it's central location in the U.S. to the location of the facilities and the realitively low cost. The city chosen for 2008 will have a lot to live up to.

Hope to see more of you at the 12th Annual At Home Dad Convention right here in Kansas City Nov. 2007!

Convention news and notes - Arthur Bryant's

2006-11-14T16:21:00.000-06:00

For our final get together, we boarded a bus to Arthur Bryant's. The KCDADs spent most of the ride there debating who had the best BBQ in town; frankly a never-ending debate with so many great options in the city. Unfortunately the banquet room there was WAY too small for 50 men and it was so hot and stuffy I began to wonder if I was going to be on the pit soon (someone said it was 87 in there!). Fortunately the Convention staff bought us several pitchers of beer that really hit the spot. The food was good, and there was lots of great praise from the out-of-towners. Too bad they don't know how good BBQ can be in Kansas City because there is much better out there. I really enjoyed talking to more guys I hadn't met yet - it is strange in such a small group to have not yet met everyone.

We needed a giant shoe horn to get out of there and it couldn't have come any sooner. Did I say I was baking in there! On the return trip a couple of us KCDADs decided we will lobby for Gates (another old-time KC BBQ tradition) or Oklahoma Joe's for next year. Back at the hotel some of us went to watch Texas-K-State or do more bar-hoping on the Plaza while the rest of us went back to the Hospitality Suite to drink more beer and discuss the convention some more.

CHEER: Dinner at a BBQ restaraunt - a requirement for any visit to KC
JEER: Gates or Oklahoma Joes or Smokin' Gun are better

Convention news and notes - Final Session

2006-11-14T13:59:00.000-06:00

The Final Session of the day brought an exciting announcement and great discussion. Clearly, Kansas City was a HUGE hit as a location and as an educational experience.

Mike from the D.C. Dads group made the big announcement that we now had 501 C3 status as a non-profit organization which will make it easier to have more sponsors for future conventions. However, several things were left up in the air. For example, what is our name? The At-home Dad Convention is not officially a part of this 501 C3 nor is the new website www.athomedad.org. Hopefully this will all get sorted out in the coming months.

After this exciting news, we discussed the good and the not-so-good of the convention. There was only praise for the location. Everyone loved the short 5 minute commute from the hotel to the convention at UMKC as opposed to Chicago where the commute was an hour one way and 2 hours the other. Everyone loved the Meet & Greet at the Boulevard Brewery as well as the BBQ at Arthur Bryant's. UMKC was the perfect size for the convention and all the amenities were perfect. The only real concern was that more people from the midwest rather than the coasts were represented at this convention and that it made sense to move the convention to different locations from year to year. I agreed with that, however, I felt we should decide to have it in KC next year (which we did) and also decide, right then, where to have it next year or at least put the word out for "bids" from other At Home Dad groups. While Kansas City is centrally located, it is clear that it is better to have it closer to other Dads in other locations in future years so they have more of an opportunity to attend. That being said, any other location MUST have hotel and convention facilities that are close together with low travel and hotel fees along with a strong, active At Home Dad group. The location must also be decided as far in advance as possible - most conventions have these booked 3 and 4 years out.

After deciding that the convention would be in Kansas City next November (see more at www.athomedadconvention.com), we moved on to other details. Some felt that we all should have gone to dinner together after the Meet & Greet at Boulevard and that we should do that next year. I didn't agree with that because Friday night would be the only time to search out your own "taste of Kansas City" but I was in the minority. Definitely we need to have TWO sessions of Open Forum Discussion about our kids next year. Also, most felt that some presenters did not understand us, their audience, very well and would be helped by a more thorough explanation of what we are all about.

After introducing all the media representatives in attendance (which, as I said before, should have been at the beginning of the day) there was a little time for sharing hilarious anecdotes about our kids before we all caught rides back to the hotel to relax before Arthur Bryant's.

CHEER: We are now officially a national non-profit organization
JEER: My wife was right (and that is never good to admit) - men aren't that organized (but we manage don't we!)

Convention news and notes - Breakout Session 5

2006-11-13T09:21:00.000-06:00

For Breakout Session 5, the final breakout session for the day, I chose the Financial Planning session presented by Waddell & Reed. It was a hard decision on which presentation to attend because there was one on Kids and Nutrition as well as Growing Your At-home Dad Group that I would have liked to attend. According to a couple other Dads I talked to, the Kids and Nutrition presentation was focused to narrowly on organic foods, but the Growing Your At-home Dad Group was informative. But the one presentation I was not interested in turned out to be the best in this breakout session according to the guys that went to it. It was the presentation on Depression and Isolation giving by a psychologist with UMKC. There was a lot of laughter and great information.

I did not get too much out of the Financial Planning session since there was not a lot of new information, but there were several new things I did learn, such as the difference between Long Term Care Insurance (pays medical bills) and Long Term Disability (replaces income when you're ill or injured). The best quote was "Financial Planning is an art, not a science." I hope there is a more advanced session next year.

CHEER: Having a financial planning session
JEER: Too much information I already knew - hopefully there will be a more advanced session next year

Convention news and notes - Breakout Session 4

2006-11-12T19:56:00.000-06:00

Instead of sneaking away for a nap, I decided to drag my dreary bones over to the Breakout Session 4 on Blogging presented by Caleb of http://www.hailtopitt.org/. The funny thing about his presentation is that there was so much information (and I know so little to begin with) that it took me about 24 hours to process everything he was talking about. Maybe I was groggy after lunch I don't know. Kace from KCDADs came with me and I think we both (even though I have a blog) wanted to understand why some one has a blog in the first place. Perhaps that is sociology question rather than a technical one, but Caleb gave some great reasons why to have a blog. I believe his answer is that it is the new way to communicate with mass audiences without the filter required when you have to be supported by advertising. Of course, a lot of it is junk that needs to be scrutinized (except this blog obviously) but some of it is good stuff. One of the last things he said probably summed up the answer I was looking for - you need to credit your sources. That sounds like journalism to me.

I got the most out of this session for me personally because it helped me understand whether or not I should even have a blog and what I want to do with it. I'll provide my conclusions on that in a future posting.

CHEER: A techy who was really a 21st century journalist - impressive
JEER: More technical detail was needed (did I just contradict myself?!)

Convention news and notes - Lunch

2006-11-12T19:48:00.000-06:00

Lunch was next. A simple spread of sandwich fixings and the like. Good stuff. I spent most of my time talking to a dad from Omaha that will be moving somewhere else soon. He is a big Chicago sports fan and although I am not a Chicago sports fan, I am all about sports. Certainly not too many moms out there who could keep up in that conversation.

CHEER: Simple lunch - a dad's dream
JEER: Keynote motivational speaker was needed here to energize us - after lunch we were all wondering when nap time was...

Convention news and notes - Breakout Session 3

2006-11-12T19:34:00.000-06:00

Breakout Session 3 was BY FAR the most popular of the convention. In fact, we all agreed it needed to be held twice next year. And no, it wasn't the session on how do I get my wife to do the dishes while I'm at the convention. It was the open forum discussions about our kids broken down by age groups. I was in the 2-5 age group forum which was broken down further into 2-3 and 4-5 because there were so many of us in the room. One of us would throw out a problem he was having with his child and we would all chime in on solutions that worked for us. Lots of great ideas were passed around including the Sunday box which is where toys go when they are not picked up (the child gets them back each Sunday), the "No Thank You Bite" where your child has to take a bite of food she doesn't like, and creating a CD of Grandma telling stories as a special treasure for the children. Next year there will definately be TWO sessions dedicated to this open forum discussion since it was clearly everyone's favorite part of the convention.

CHEER: Grandma's stories on CD and the Sunday box were AWESOME ideas I will be doing
JEER: More sessions like this are needed

Convention news and notes - Breakout Session 2

2006-11-12T19:21:00.000-06:00

For Breakout Session 2 I went to the Guide to Basic Digital Photography presented by Brian. There was standing room only, which just goes to prove that men LOVE gadgets. Brian did an excellent job explaining the basics of how to take good pictures. He also showed us how software such as Photo Shop or Gimp can help improve a picture by removing red eye or by adjusting the brightness or contrast. I was most impressed with his tripod which was so small it could fit in your pocket - I had never seen that before! I think we all could have been in there for another hour but the show had to move along.

CHEER: Mini tripod - simple, cool and useful
JEER: More specifics on how to use photo editing tools were needed

Convention news and notes - Breakout Session 1

2006-11-12T17:27:00.000-06:00

For Breakout Session 1 I decided to attend the talk on At Home Dad Resources presented by Dayv. With my new duties for KCDADs as a membership coordinator, I was interested in finding other at home dad websites and resources to pass along to our group. For the most part, I found that I knew about all the websites Dayv discussed but there were a couple of books, Libby Gill's Stay-At-Home Dads and Dr. Kyle Pruett's Father Need, that I didn't know about and thought would be interesting. I think the session on child safety may have been a better one to attend until I heard from other guys that it wasn't that great because the Police Officer didn't seem to relate to her audience well. Hopefully that session will be improved for next year.

CHEER: Dayv - great presenter and moderator
JEER: There just aren't many at home dad websites

Convention news and notes - Welcome Session

2006-11-12T17:08:00.000-06:00

After a quick breakfast and lots of "Dude, you made it!" (Friday night was a late one for many), Dayv and Andy began the convention. Nearly 50 dads from all over the country were there including several members of the media which was awesome. I have been to other much larger "social" conventions and never seen such interest from the outside world. There was a newspaper reporter for England, a magazine reporter from Japan, an author of an upcoming book, a columnist from a south Chicago suburban newspaper, a reporter from the Kansas City Star, a photographer and a PhD student. At the end of Andy's welcoming comments, the staff of the convention presented a $200 donation to the host of the convention, the UMKC Women's Center which I felt was a real class act. Andy made a great comment that while we are men, we are a women's issue because our success at managing the kids and the home allows our wives a better opportunity to succeed in their careers.

CHEER: Donation to UMKC Women's Center
JEER: Introductions of the media representatives should have been in the welcome session not the final session

Convention news and notes coming

2006-11-12T09:36:00.000-06:00

The convention is over and my head is spinning, and not just from the beer paid for by the convention staff at Arthur Bryant's! So many great ideas, anticdotes and laughter. Later this afternoon I will post a run down of the sessions I attended and other notes from the convention, but right now I have to start my pre-game ritual. The Chiefs are playing at Miami at noon.

Meet & Greet at the convention

2006-11-11T00:14:00.000-06:00

What a blast!

The Meet & Greet at the Boulevard Brewery tonight was awesome. Nearly 40 guys were there enjoying the plethora of beers offered by Kansas City's own microbrewery, Boulevard. Many a Pale Ale, Wheat, and Bully Porter were enjoyed. Everyone got along like we all knew each other even though most of us had just met. The at-home dad "community" is really unique and it is great to talk to so many people who just "get it."

The beer made all of us hungry so I went with several of the KCDADs and a couple of out-of-towners to Manny's, an all-time favorite KC Mexican restaurant. Our waitress, Priscilla, went right along with our loud and often a bit obnoxious behavior. About half the guys went to Pier Porter (can't remember the exact name - and I live here!) at Union Station to enjoy Kansas City's famous steak.

Since it was only 9pm, our group decided to hit the "hip" part of town, Westport, to fill up on a few more adult beverages and some first-class second-hand smoke at Kelly's. I don't think I had laughed that much in a 2 hour period EVER!

Unfortunately of course, all good things must come to an end, and most of us decided 7:30am was going to roll around much too soon. As I walked out of the bar with Steve I said, "Hey, it's alright to go home early (11pm is early?!) because we've still got TOMORROW!!!"

At home dad convention

2006-11-08T12:59:00.000-06:00

I'm looking forward to meeting a lot of at home dads from around the country this week at the 11th Annual At-home Dad Convention here in Kansas City (www.athomedadconvention.com)! I'll be at all the events except the Harley tour, so let me know if there is anything I can do to help make your time in KC any better.

KCDAD member has leukemia

2006-10-23T22:31:00.000-05:00

We just found out Sunday that a good friend and member of our AHD group here in Kansas City had his leukemia return. He had a bone marrow transplant 3 or 4 years ago and has been cancer free since. It has returned and he is in the hospital going through chemo and waiting for another transplant. We all pray that he has a full recovery soon.

Public bathrooms part 2

2006-10-19T17:20:00.000-05:00

It just occured to me why they don't put sinks low enough for toddlers to use... Guys would use them to piss in! Well, give those bathroom designers kudos for that.

Public bathrooms

2006-10-19T15:03:00.000-05:00

Everyone who has ever designed a public restroom apparently has never gone to the bathroom in one or has never washed their hands - EW!!!!

If you can keep your children from taking out the urinal cakes or splashing in the toilet water, you still have to get them to wash their hands. First you have to get soap. Most of the dispensers are out. If they're not, your child's hand moves too fast to hit so soap hits the floor. Or, if you happen to be "lucky" to find one of those new soap dispensers that you have to wave your hand in front of, good luck getting IT to work. I wave and miss, wave and miss and then check my pulse because the waving isn't working anymore and I must have just died.

Now it's time to turn the water on. Since all of the sinks are adult sized, you have to lift your child up. "UH! You're hurting me!" she cries as you pin her to the side of the sink with her butt on your knee because, well, you haven't managed to grow that third arm yet. Also, you have to wash your hands too, because if you help her and then do it, well, into the urinal she will go again. (And why are they always pink - my daughter's favorite color!) Of course the faucet is usually a "water saver" seriously complicating matters. You either have to hold one knob down to keep the water flowing (and now a fourth arm would be useful) or you have to keep waving at the damned thing to get just one more spritz of water.

On to drying which has got to be the WORST PART YET. The drying mechanism, be it towel or blower, is always on the OPPOSITE wall from the sink. So now you have to carry your child by your elbows so as not to get the child more wet with your hands than she already got in the sink and drip water ALL OVER THE FLOOR! You dry her hands, and yours, and both try not to fall on your butts on the way out the door. I mean, do they think we are all surgeons and are going to hold our hands in the air on the way to the drier located on the OTHER SIDE OF THE BATHROOM so our wet hands can now drip down our sleeves and settle in our armpits so the floor won't get wet?

Just a casual observation ...

$120,000?

2006-10-18T01:56:00.000-05:00

They say a stay-at-home parent would receive a salary of over $120,000 if he were "paid for services rendered." I don't know about that, but no one could offer me enough money to take me away from this opportunity to be a full time parent.

Homemaker

2006-10-18T01:44:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I attended a "Reader's Critique" of the Kansas City Star. Basically, the newspaper wanted to know what readers thought of the changes they made to the paper after their new presses went on line June of this year. Each person introduced himself or herself and what he or she does for a living. Three women said they were homemakers. That is not surprising. What was odd, was that they all seemed to be either embarrassed by their "profession" or not proud of it somehow. When it came to my turn to introduce myself, I just said, "My name is Al Watts and, well, I'm a homemaker, stay-at-home dad!" I'm not embarrassed and you would think I could be when there were male architects, engineers and a candidate for city council in the room. I was more embarrassed that I couldn't write intelligent answers for their questionaire! Boy did I feel like I needed to go back to the 10th grade to re-learn how to write short answer essays.

Playdates

2006-10-15T13:47:00.000-05:00

My daughter comes running out of her preschool class and buries her face into my leg for 3 seconds before she begins to jump up and down as she blurts out, "I met a new friend today!"

"That's great Anna," I reply.

"Can she come over to my house and play?" she asks between jumps.

"Well," I pause. She stops jumping. She's four. She doesn't understand the intricacies of a playdate. I need to meet her mom. She needs to meet me. She has to decide if she thinks I'm a pediphile. All complicated stuff for a 4 year old.

"Why not daddy..." Tears well up in her eyes as I see her new best friend walk out of school with her mom. She nodded at me, but that was it. Obviously she's got other things to do, places to go. But is that it? I seriously don't think she thinks I'm a pediphile or anything bad like that, but I can't help wondering if I was a woman, a stay-at-home MOM, she would have come over to talk to me.

It's like that book, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus: men and women comunicate differently. Everyone knows that. Men talk to men differently than women talk to women. Plus, like Billy Crystal's character says in When Harry Met Sally, "Men and women can't be friends because the sex thing always gets in the way."

Eventually Anna and her new best friend do get to play together. Her mom and I both make efforts to talk to one other as we are picking up our daughters so that we feel a comfort level with each other. Then, the playdate happens. Of course it is quite awhile before the next playdate and the next, but they do happen. It's certainly nobody's fault, it's just kind of the way things are. I need to get over myself and stop thinking the mom might think I'm hitting on her or whatever if I come to talk to her. And the mom needs to start realizing that a man can be full time parent and really only wants his daughter to have a new best friend.

If only it was as easy as it was when you are 4 years old.

KCDADs

2006-10-15T13:34:00.000-05:00

If you are interested in meeting up with other stay at home dads in the Kansas City area, please visit http://groups.yahoo.com/group/kcdad. I am a membership coordinator for our group and I believe dads have a unique way of being full time parents that is different than moms. Plus, aren't you tired of moms looking at you funny at the park or grocery store or mall at 11am? We will look at you funny too, but more as a "is sweatpants the only pants you own" kind of way rather than a "why isn't he working" kind of way. We have weekly playgroups and monthly dad's night outs. Join us!!!